I told you I had plans for Cerulean, didn't I?***
Hey, you worthless pieces of poo. This is Lelvier. I'm on my way to fight Misty from Cerulean City now. Aww, yeah, it's gonna be twice as nice to admire a gorgeous sexy body like that, because I need to... unsee a few things, and boobs are always a big help.
You see, I went to Bill's house.
Sure, he's a smart guy. He invented the box system and all. That's why I went to see him; some old coot told me he could fix my Eevee's ear.
And sure, he did that. He made Eevee drink some... liquid-y crap and then he told me he'd be fine in a week.
But you see... Bill is a "Pokémaniac".
As soon as I entered that pit, I saw that freak dressed in an Eevee fursuit humping a life-sized Flareon plush. I asked him to do something about my Eevee, took a look at his PC and sent some data to my Pokédex. He started to brag about some "awesome experiment", and how he would finally "fulfill his lifelong dream of connecting with his inner Pokémon"... That was when I decided to run the hell outta there.
And ninjaing hell, I'm never coming back.
Smell ya fruitcakes later.
---
All in all, this was the worst day of my life.
Sure, it started out nice and fun. I got to laugh at those idiots from Cerulean who couldn't even control a Pokémon properly.
Then I decided to take a look at my wallet, just to check out how much money I'd earned. In two months or so, I could probably buy a nice little house just for myself. Nothing big.
...Well... That's what I thought.
Viridian is still the city with the most retarded population so far, but Cerulean is a good runner-up. Still, this inspired me to check out the nearby bike shop.
I smiled foolishly and innocently.
And then, my enraged shout of "NINJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" echoed across the shop, nay, the entire city. If a mere bike cost this much... then I couldn't hope to buy my own house any time soon.
I quietly sobbed, telling myself that surely, the day couldn't get any worse after all that happened: Oak making me his slave, the discovery that my freedom is miles away...
Pithius's smile was a mere hint of the events that would follow a bit later.
Amusing? AMUSING? OH IF ONLY YOU WERE IN MY PLACE YOU LITTLE DOUCHEBAG OOOOOOH THEN I'D LIKE TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT
I spat on his face and moved on.
This Sandshrew obviously suffered from an identity crisis. Or a sore throat. Either way, I'm fairly sure Sandshrews go "Shrew, shrew."
A grass Pokémon would be a great addition to my team, but sadly, this lady was a bit dense and didn't catch on to my obvious hints that I wanted that Bulbasaur, so I showered Pithius in Potions to prove my worth as a trainer.
He was quite happy. Perhaps Potions behave similarly to morphine.
The lady was touched by the "bond" I shared with Pithius.
...Hell if I know.
(Thanks, Tené!)
Sadly, the poor thing looked quite pitiful from behind, but that didn't bother me much.
Meanwhile, I filled my Pokédex in hopes of one day selling it for a good amount of cash.
Venus became more useful with some effort.
And then... something wonderful... something magical happened.
I was amazed. The evolution of a Pokémon happening right in front of my very eyes... Perhaps... Perhaps I didn't have to do this just for the money. Perhaps I could... enjoy this.
I checked my Pokédex.
I... I was happy.
Venus looked a bit more deformed now, but I was truly happy. I even decided to let my Pokémon out of their balls.
I decided to call it a day, overjoyed, yes, OVERJOYED at the fact that Pokécenters would let trainers sleep in there free of charge. It was truly an act of kindness. I decided to eat my dinner outside first, though. I didn't really have anything to eat, though...
And then, Pithius and Jack brought me a nice slice of meat.
I looked at them suspiciously... Could this be a scheme to poison me or anything of the sort?
How... How could I say "no" to such cute faces?
Beginning to think perhaps those two weren't so bad after all, I started to eat.
I noticed it tasted somewhat, but not entirely like pork.
Well, dinner was dinner.
I looked around; Swinape was nowhere to be seen. I asked Pithius and Jack if they had seen him anywhere.
And then... then... then I noticed a familiar foot in Pithius's mouth. A foot that had valiantly kicked the crap out of numerous Pokémon.
...I washed my mouth with bleach.
R.I.P. SWINAPE the MANKEY
2008-2008
***
Don't worry, the following updates won't be done in the past tense, this one just called for it. =P
...And he's in Box 1, just in case you're wondering.
