*Hops on Bandwagon*

[CoolCorky]

LET'S PLAY RISTAR!


"Come on"? I'll "Come On" you...


A long time ago, in a far off galaxy...


*Gasp* That bastard! He's stolen a Puyo Puyo! GET HIM!! PUYO THEIF!!


What, does this "Evil Alien Force" think he's Hitler?
HEIL GREEDY!


Hey, it's Gandalf!


Kids: DON'T play with fireworks...


Because you might hurt a sleeping bowling ball wearing a mask.


"Get up, you lazy son of a bitch! You have a solar system to save!"


...At which point he dislocates both of his shoulders due to the akward grabbing angle.


It's Ristar, the character that looks nothing like Sonic! Obviously! _{Of course, they look nothing alike.}

***********

So, what do you think?

[Naem]

Well, platformers go better with VIDEO LPs... But I'll make my judgement once I see you actually playing the game. =P

[CoolCorky]

I would do a video, but all desktop recorders hate sound on my laptop...

[Max Firestorm]

May 18, 2008 20:23:51 GMT 10 CoolCorky said:

I would do a video, but all desktop recorders hate sound on my laptop...

Make sure the input sound for the record is set to "Stereo Mix"

[CoolCorky]

Which desktop recoarder are you talking about? Because I use Hypercam.

[Neo // Racing Stripe A/V]

CamStudio > Hypercam.

At least CamStudio has the decency to work on this computer...

[CoolCorky]

I used to use camstudio, and ran it at best quality,

But...

And...

[Deleted]

May 18, 2008 20:22:20 GMT 10 Naem said:

Well, platformers go better with VIDEO LPs... But I'll make my judgement once I see you actually playing the game. =P

What she said.

[boyue]

Lol. "PUYO THIEF! Who does he think he is, Hitler?"

[CoolCorky]

Okay, Game Start. Should be "Start Game", but never mind.


No, I don't want to play with you.


Okay! Here we go! Planet butter Flora!


Okay, so here's Ristar. He's awfully small for a star, and he should kind of be white hot, but I'll overlook this one.


What the BLARGH? Why are you moving so slow? I thought shooting stars were meant to be like, "FUUUUUUUUUUCK I'M HURTLING THROUGH SPACE AT 6000000 MPH FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!"

Let's try attacking. Is it B?

WHAT. THE. BLARGH. Who does this star think he is, Stretch Armstrong?


So he attacks by headbutting stuff? Yeah, let's see how strong he is after he's done that a couple of times and dented his skull, causing blood to drip out of his ear. Except he doesn't have ears. Or a nose. Or a penis. Poor, inadequete Ristar...


So, after whacking the B button a few times, I find out that this mask-wearing testicle uses his arms to hold stuff too. Makes sense, I suppose. But how the BLARGH is he holding onto the ladder without using his feet? His arms should have been ripped out of their sockets by now.


BLARGH you, rabbit. BLARGH you.


Okay, so how do I get past this tree? In most platform games, you can just walk in front of trees like this. Am I the only one that notices the huge irony in this? Ristar, the object that should have fried the whole bloody planet by now is stopped by an oddly layered tree. Yet another reason this game never caught on.


Oh, so you just use your magic hands to get past. All this strength his hands... Makes you wonder what he does at night...

Except he doesn't have ears. Or a nose. Or a penis.

Oh, yeah. Forget that, then.

Moving swiftly along...

Okay, so why's the arrow pointing in the hole? Is it yet another sexual innuendo? I hope so. Well, it's too small to walk in, so...


Right, what's going on here then? What kind of plant is this? Dandelion? Well, the laws of physics are ignored in this game anyway, so they might as well be great SMASHINGLY dandelions.


I hope Ristar doesn't have hay fever. Can stars even get hay fever?


Swing, SWING! Why is this not affecting the route of the dandelion seed?


Hey, isn't this the special stage thing from Sonic Rush?


No, not good enough. Spin faster!


BLARGH.


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! O CRAP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP...

Anyway...

Gah, it's the stone snake from Sonic Adventure! KILL IT DEAD.


That was... too easy. All I had to do was face-bash it a few times. And why do all old-school video game bosses explode when they die? Talk about a cliché.


Oh, not one of these things again.


More shoulder-wrenching fun will ensue...

...Next time.

*********

Comments and all that KIPPERS.

[Eco]

May 18, 2008 21:37:04 GMT 10 Neo // Racing Stripe A/V said:

CamStudio > Hypercam.

At least CamStudio has the decency to work on this computer...

SnagIt > CamStudio > Hypercam

[Naem]

...You're right, that DOES look like the thing from Sonic Rush.

[CoolCorky]

At lest on Ristar you don't have to fire rocket boosters out of your arse to activate it.

[iBishyT]

The fact that the male genitalia is censored to 'nose' makes that particular line quite humorous.

[boyue]

[shadow=red,left,300]Right, what's going on here then? What kind of plant is this? Dandelion? Well, the laws of physics are ignored in this game anyway, so they might as well be great ninjaing dandelions.[/shadow]

I lost it there.