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Post by eddo on Oct 24, 2007 10:53:48 GMT 10
Not very funny. Needs improvement, otherwise it will drop back to Garfield-level. The desk and chairs are completely out of place, too.
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PK the Hedgehog
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Post by PK the Hedgehog on Oct 24, 2007 10:56:07 GMT 10
CAN I HAVE YOUR SHOES TOO? =D
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Post by Rhinoce Breakdancerus on Oct 24, 2007 11:02:00 GMT 10
Not very funny. Needs improvement, otherwise it will drop back to Garfield-level. The desk and chairs are completely out of place, too. I agree with you. In foresight, shrinking images of furniture instead of just making them myself was not a very good idea. The humor's off here, too. don't know how, though. Thanks. |
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PK the Hedgehog
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Post by PK the Hedgehog on Oct 24, 2007 11:03:23 GMT 10
Not very funny. Needs improvement, otherwise it will drop back to Garfield-level. The desk and chairs are completely out of place, too. I agree with you. In foresight, shrinking images of furniture instead of just making them myself was not a very good idea. The humor's off here, too. don't know how, though. Thanks. SO I DONT GET UR SHOES?  |
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Post by Rhinoce Breakdancerus on Oct 24, 2007 11:06:03 GMT 10
No. Sawyer Steel has my shoes. And you've angered him, so he's suing you. Not smiling now, are ya' PK?
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PK the Hedgehog
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Post by PK the Hedgehog on Oct 24, 2007 11:15:32 GMT 10
YAY! I'm getting praise and adoration, and getting my @$$ sued by a famous cartoonist! This is the best day ever!!! WHO said this?  And if you're think what I think you're thinking, click here, otherwise, lulz |
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Post by Rhinoce Breakdancerus on Oct 24, 2007 11:17:36 GMT 10
Yeah. Read the last two comics. DO I LOOK HAPPY!!!
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PK the Hedgehog
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Post by PK the Hedgehog on Oct 24, 2007 11:19:35 GMT 10
Yeah. Read the last two comics. DO I LOOK HAPPY!!! Am i supposed to care? So sue me NoPunIntended, axully itis |
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Post by Rhinoce Breakdancerus on Oct 24, 2007 12:37:58 GMT 10
Anyways...I know what's wrong with the art, so I want to focus on the writing here. Specifically, what is good or bad about it? Not just "LOLITSUXX," or "It's cute," (that dreaded four letter C word!), but, what is good or bad about it? Think about it this way: if you don't tell me what's wrong with it I'll pull a Solanaco on you and keep posting the same crappy writing. And nobody want's that.
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PK the Hedgehog
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Post by PK the Hedgehog on Oct 24, 2007 21:23:50 GMT 10
Who says I try to help.
MAYBE I AM COMPUTER VIRUS COOL RAGNORAK!
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Post by Interrobang Pie on Oct 25, 2007 5:41:19 GMT 10
PK, you are a retarded moron. But everyone knew that ages ago. =P
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Post by iBishyT on Oct 28, 2007 12:25:46 GMT 10
Well, first of all I think the joke may have been drawn out a bit much, and with too much commentary.
Too much talking tends to make the journey towards the punchline seem even longer. Unless you plan to have continuous humour, cut down on dialogue and keep it simple. I'll try and re-write the current issue as an example.
Lawyer: Welcome to my office.
You: Looks like hell.
Lawyer: Thanks, I try.
Lawyer: Anyways, these are the terms of the settlement - *ahem*
Lawyer: #1, Mr.Davis must recieve one dollar of every dollar you make.
You: Won't that leave me broke?
Lawyer: Would you like me to contact Sega about your shoes?
You: Not to say living in a box is a BAD thing...
As you can see I cut down the other two terms and concentrated on a short and sweet punchline centered around the first. This then give's me the ability to play upon the unknown in the next issue, labelling the next two terms something ridiculous, like terms #124 and #125. Depending on how punchline worthy each one is, I could either dedicate a comic to each one of them, or squish they two into one (using #124 as a bridge* towards the final punchline).
*A common technique used in webcomics. It's basically a phrase/sentence/event that is able to transend from one theme (if the comics are continuous) to another theme, thus to the final punchline, whilst filling up needed space. Many people abuse it though and instead use it just as space filler (especially the case when the webcomic is mainly one shots).
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Post by Oberstleutnant Insipid on Oct 28, 2007 14:48:51 GMT 10
*Lawyer
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Post by iBishyT on Oct 28, 2007 20:37:25 GMT 10
Yay, I bet you're proud of yourself aren't you! Thanks for completely disregarding my post so you could correct my spelling! I don't think i'd ever be able to live with the knowledge that I (horror of horrors) spelt a word wrong. |
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Hayden
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Post by Hayden on Oct 28, 2007 21:11:42 GMT 10
Yay, I bet you're proud of yourself aren't you! Thanks for completely disregarding my post so you could correct my spelling! I don't think i'd ever be able to live with the knowledge that I (horror of horrors) spelt a word wrong. Chill Bish o.O She's a grammar Nazi XP |
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