Kage
Person with Lots of Posts
Completely insane and loving it.
80%
Posts: 721
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Post by Kage on Oct 24, 2006 0:57:57 GMT 10
PENOS
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Post by Naem on Oct 24, 2006 1:05:00 GMT 10
...It will get better. o.o;;
I PROMISE.
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Kage
Person with Lots of Posts
Completely insane and loving it.
80%
Posts: 721
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Post by Kage on Oct 24, 2006 1:09:27 GMT 10
...It will get better. o.o;; I PROMISE. Is that an insult to my writing? ;_; Nah. RIGHT? |
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Post by Sergeant Dull on Oct 24, 2006 1:10:55 GMT 10
Interesting....Uh.
What's with the strange format of presentation? Like, script.
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Post by Trinity on Oct 24, 2006 1:11:50 GMT 10
Hey, that's actually quite good. At least, I like it. Keep it up. ^^
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Post by Sergeant Dull on Oct 24, 2006 1:40:56 GMT 10
Yeah, but I didn't know what the hell was going until I found out there was a "Green Hedgehog" involved  Try using some more descriptive language and not so much dialogue, more narration might help. |
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Post by Naem on Oct 24, 2006 1:41:56 GMT 10
*notes down advice*
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Post by Kanye West on Oct 24, 2006 5:03:54 GMT 10
What Tronic said =P
But other than that it wasn't bad, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
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Post by Tené on Oct 24, 2006 5:14:19 GMT 10
It's quite good. But since you have very little narrative, it would be better to write it out in script form. A little less confusing that way too.
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Post by Naem on Oct 24, 2006 5:18:37 GMT 10
Well, we'll see how Chapter 2 will turn out... *will start writing it ASAP*
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Stuart
Person with Huge Amount of Posts
60%
the artist formerly known as spudnik
Posts: 2,505
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Post by Stuart on Oct 24, 2006 12:51:10 GMT 10
No. Please. DON'T write it in script form. I like it so far, keep it up.
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Post by Naem on Oct 24, 2006 16:19:34 GMT 10
Holy crap, if people are liking it now, they'll just plain worship us when the plot actually starts to thicken. XD
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Post by Oberstleutnant Insipid on Oct 24, 2006 18:53:33 GMT 10
Yeah, needs a lot more description. Would be best to introduce the characters first instead of starting it off so abruptly.
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Post by Sergeant Dull on Oct 24, 2006 19:44:50 GMT 10
If I wrote that, all my English teachers i'd ever had woulda killed me if they saw the layout XD
I hope to see Ch.2 with awesomeness.
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Post by CoolCorky on Oct 25, 2006 2:31:52 GMT 10
Interesting....Uh. What's with the strange format of presentation? Like, script. Start a new line when a different person starts talking and whatnot. |
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